Working outside the home is not a sin.

One of the best parts of my flexible working part-time from home schedule is my Tuesday morning Bible study. A large portion of my friendship circle includes women who are either stay-at-home moms or work-from-home moms or moms with flexible schedules. When I had Gracie I attended this same Tuesday morning Bible study while I was home on maternity leave. It was great - I got to talk about Jesus, see my friends, get some nibbles and have some quality Bible study time.

It’s been an absolute delight to know that Tuesday mornings I have Bible study. Love it. This past couple of months we’ve been studying the Proverbs 31 woman. Basically if you know the Proverbs 31 woman, you’ll know that she is all things wise and wonderful, hardworking and honest and a credit to her husband and family. She’s great. A little more than unattainable, but still, great.

You can’t discuss the Proverbs 31 woman without discussing women and work and working outside the home. There was actually a question in the study guide that I left blank because I have so many feelings about women in the workplace. So.many.feelings. And by feelings I mean righteous anger.

Did I miss the part where it become biblical for women to give up their jobs in the workplace once they had children?

Colossians 3:23-24 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

Whatever assignment you are tasked with doing, it’s about the heart in which you do it. Wiping butts (just did it) or working to traffic a project through client approval, it’s all about knowing that you are exactly where you God wants you to be in that very moment. Because at the end of the day, God created you. He is the one that gave you your particular gifts and talents. In the lovely words of Jen Hatmaker “God created an entire package. It all counts. There are no throwaway qualities. [...] Maybe your best thing won’t draw a paycheck, but it is how you shine and glow and come to life and bless the world. [...] Just because you don’t get a pay stub doesn’t mean you shrink back or play small or give it all up. Do your thing. [...] You are making the world kinder, more beautiful, wiser, funnier, richer, better.”

YES! YES! YES! God created you smart and talented so you can share those things with the world. Are you throwing away those qualities because someone told you that now you’re a mom you have to put those gifts away? THAT’S CRAP.

Yep, I said it. Just because you are staying home with your kids and not working 8-5 does not make you a better mom than I am. Nope, not even a single bit. Because I can half heartedly play with my kids all day long and read the same five page book over and over again and there is not one bit of me that thinks I’m killing it at being a better mom than you just because I’m home with my kids during the day.

I’m going to end all of this ranting (because let’s call a spade, a spade folks and I’m definitely ranting) with a plea for everyone to be a bit nicer. Women, quit being all judgy if you think you are a better mom because you don’t send your kids to daycare. Why are you judging in the first place? What part of her life are you jealous of? Because that’s probably the heart of the problem - comparison. Your life is not her life. Her life is not yours. Her choices are not your choices. Her finances are not yours. Your heart issues are not yours. Because believe me, that mom who is working at a job that she may or may not love, might not be what she envisioned for her life either. But you don't know because you aren't her.

This post will probably get me exiled.

True Confessions from a Work from Home Mom

1. Holy crap, I'm exhausted. This is way harder then sitting in my cube.
2. My employer is demanding and mouthy. Apparently they didn't get the memo that I'm entitled to a peaceful lunch break in which they have to leave me alone.
3. My house is totally destroyed. Like seriously messier than it's ever been. NO ONE warned me that being home meant that my house was going to be infinitely messier because we would be home making messes all of the time.  
4. I'm famished and thirsty. There is no time for silly things like food and hydration.
5. I had to negotiate with Lucan in order to be able to watch 30 minutes of tv that is NOT PBS kids. (I think there might be power issues here)
6. Somewhere I became the paper product nazi. "Lucan you can't have another napkin. One per meal." "Nope, you aren't done with that Kleenex. Put it in your pocket and use it again later." "This is how you properly use toilet paper to wipe your butt." (Good gravy. It sounds just as ridiculous typing it here as it does when I listen to myself saying it.)
7. I get nothing done. Really. I know that Lance has these expectations (and I had the same expectations) that laundry would be done and put away on a regular basis and that our bathrooms would be cleaned more frequently too. I get it, I would think these things would happen too. But if I work on cleaning the house, my actual DMMB (Des Moines Moms Blog) work doesn't get touched. If I work on work stuff, the house implodes. It would probably help if Gracie would nap for longer then an hour.
8. Sometimes I just need a little time for me. But inevitably I feel bad that I'm not cleaning or doing work. I need a lesson in balance.
9. People think that I'm a stay-at-home-mom now. Not so. Somewhere during the day I have to get work done. Except now I have no daycare or quiet time to get my work actually done.
10. Lance comes home, takes one look around and asks me if I had a nice nap. It takes everything in me not to want to hit him.

Lest I sound ungrateful (because I know that I sound ungrateful) I am completely thankful for the opportunity to work from home part-time and be there during the day with my children. I know that positions like this are golden unicorns and only come through fervent prayer and luck. I have the nicest and most understanding employers. But this is a reality check that the grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence. In actuality, the grass is more like spray painted astro-turf that was used to cover up the decidedly dead grass underneath. I digress.

This is the job that I've prayed for for four years. But just like anything you hope for, it's never all it's cracked up to be.

Ways I've Ruined my Children

Everyday I think that I’ve ruined my child.

I don’t think there is any job that comes with more self-doubt or criticism then being a mom. With the exception of being the POTUS (President of the United States – Lance asked me what that meant so it occurred to me that it’s not just a standard acronym that everyone knows) or some other world leader, I don’t think there is a job that has more of a personal stake.

Today’s self-doubt? My oldest is four and has yet to participate in any organized sport or some sort of musical endeavor. I have friends whose children have been dribbling soccer balls as long as they have been walking. Clearly my child will suffer the social repercussions of not participating in a group sport at the age of four.

I am not doing baby-led weaning in any form. I make purees for my little and thought I was finally doing something right because I was making food for her. Now I’m fairly convinced that she’ll never feed herself or eat “real” food.

We don’t always brush my eldest’s teeth in the morning. I just don’t have the time. Yes, I know.

He also knows the order of the PBS kid show lineup.

Just the other day he asked me when he is going to get to take swim lessons. Crap.

I can’t bear to her my daughter cry, so every time she cries, I pick her up. Yep, I’ve ruined her.

Lucan told me last time at Chick-fil-A that we eat there a lot. To his point, we did eat there twice that week.

He also told me tonight that “supper smelled funky.” To his point, yes, fish sauce does smell a bit. He also likes my MIL’s cooking better than my own. This is probably due to the fact that she doesn’t hide zucchini in her spaghetti sauce.

I fall more on the path of helicopter parent than free-range parent. If you read enough articles, helicopter parenting with MOST DEFINITELY ruin a child. Looking at who I am with baby #2, I acknowledge that I’m definitely more relaxed this time around but by no means am I a chill mom. Yes, I worry that my hovering will ruin both of them but it outweighs my fear of them being taken out of my backyard while I’m not watching.

My point is that motherhood is hard. There’s no instruction manual. There are more moments I care to admit that I have no idea what I’m doing and I’m second guessing myself. The only thing I can do is follow my instincts and ask everyday for God to cover all the mistakes I’m making with His grace.

Top Ten Reasons Why Having a New Baby is AWESOME!

1.       Obviously newborn cuddles. Obviously.

2.       Still a little chubby? No problem, you just had a baby!

3.       Do you need to excuse yourself from a mind-numbing conversation? Sorry, I need to check on my baby now. I think I hear her crying.

4.       Late everywhere? Oh, diaper blowout just as we were leaving …

5.       Need a nap? NO ONE should fault a new mom for needing an afternoon nap.

6.       Compliments about how cute your child is. (I know that vanity is not healthy. But sometimes when everything else in your life is upside down, a stranger’s exclamation over how adorable your daughter is helps)

7.       Husband wonders why supper’s not ready...baby was crying and had to be held!

8.       Stupid, obvious mistake at work? Baby doesn’t sleep. My brain is filled with cotton.

9.       Need to disappear for 45 minutes around 7:30 PM? Just give the excuse that you need to feed the baby, rock them and put them down to sleep. Never mind the fact that it takes approximately 15 minutes to do that. Spend the next half an hour hiding from your spouse. No one opens a closed door when it comes to baby’s bedtime routine.

10.   Rocking the two day old hair? Showering can be somewhat sporadic with a new baby. Haters are only allowed to hate if you are obviously smelly from ten feet away.

We’re Still Living in Our Starter Home

We’ve lived in our first home for 9 years today. Weird, I know. We celebrated our first anniversary by closing on our home and moving in. When we bought the house we were 23 years-old, had zero children and big plans for conquering the world. It was our STARTER home. I figured we’d live there five, seven years tops. There was a period of time where we helping handfuls of friends move every year. Many of our friends are in their second or even their third house. Their houses are beautiful. They are spacious, light and airy. They have smart storage options, sturdy beams and large functional kitchens. They have room to spread out and they enjoy it. If I’m brutally honest with myself, I’m more than just a little jealous. For a while this jealously grew in a knot in my stomach. By nature, I love having people over and hosting them over a meal. Hospitality is my spiritual gift. But the size of my living room and kitchen was holding me back from using that God-given gift. My own pride and self-love was crushing God. How’s that for honesty? 

You see, our house is fine. It’s perfectly functional and according to Lance the best feature is that we can afford it. 

Needs versus Want

Yes, I WANT a bigger house with sparkling countertops and storage as far as the eye can see. However, do we NEED a bigger home? Yes and no. With two more occupants added our space; we are definitely feeling a little snug. However it’s nothing that a good purge couldn’t help. (It doesn’t help that I refuse to let go of my old Spanish worksheets from college and Lance won’t get rid of 2007 phonebooks.) I would love a second bathroom (we have 1.5 presently) but we’re doing fine without it.

Our Budget Says Otherwise

In our past aggressive budgeting, our current mortgage payment was exactly what we could afford. We’re still pinching pennies and saving for that next great adventure. There’s freedom in knowing that our mortgage is not going to keep us awake at night with worry.

HomeGoods Store isn’t Tempting

When it comes to home décor, there’s really nothing I need. I hate dusting around knickknacks so I don’t buy them. Our starter home doesn’t have room for any more stuff as it is. (Yes, Lance you can quote me on that)

We Know How Everything Works

All our appliances are original with the house. Lance is the king of fixing things so nothing ever dies. Yes, I will throw a party when I can get rid of the world’s loudest dishwasher and the fridge that mysteriously has a hole in the top. But for now, the dishwasher washes things reasonably well and the fridge keeps everything at the right temperature. 

As always, my budget reflections are not meant to make anyone feel bad about their own lives or choices. If you have a large lovely house, good for you, well done! Your house is perfect (for you)!

Some days you just lose. A Day in the life of a Working Mom with two Kiddos.

Some days you just can’t win for losing. Yesterday was one of those days and that’s okay. I try and keep in mind that sometimes you are the pooper and sometimes you get pooped on (as a mom, I have more days where I get pooped on than not). 

As I blearily hit my alarm for the second time, I finally rolled out of bed at 6:21. Getting up with Gracie to feed her at 4 AM is a not so distant memory when Lance asks me if Gracelyn got up last night. I control my urge to take a swing at him. 

I pull on the clothes I laid out the night before only to realize that my shirt looks really dumb with the skirt I have on. Drat. I try a second shirt but it’s really wrinkled so I try and iron the whole thing. With my flat iron. While wearing it. Bad idea. I see this isn’t my best plan so I change yet again. I finally settle on a shirt only to have Gracelyn spit up on it 20 minutes later and have to pick yet another shirt. Life. 

Lance hands Gracie to me and her back is sopping wet. Somehow this little one has managed to pee her clothes which warrants an entire outfit change. Apparently all of the females today need multiple outfits. 

Lance reminds me that today is superhero day at school for Lu. As we frantically rummage through two drawers of clothes for his Superman shirt, unsuccessfully I might add, I recall I recently bought some Superman pjs for him at a garage sale. #momwin. I add his superhero cape and consider it a job well done. 

Lance finishes packing everyone’s breakfasts (banana bread muffins that Lance made two nights ago) and is ready to start loading the car while I finish getting ready. The other night I accidentally kicked the cat hard enough to damage my toe and toenail so I have a very limited supply of open-toed shoes that are flat and work appropriate that won’t make my toe ooze. 

Lance is out on the driveway for an abnormally long time. I ask Lu what daddy’s up to and he replies that Daddy is walking around the car. NOT A GOOD SIGN. The car battery is deader than dead. And I’m still at home without makeup when I should already be at work. 

Lance announces that he’s going to take his very un-reliable, non-interstate safe car to work. Dear Lord. Out of precaution for the children, I am now doing drop-off this morning. I am going to be SO very late. 

We shuffle everyone’s things into my SUV and fly out of the house. As I pull into the daycare parking lot, the daycare school bus that I only ever see when I’m running super late to work is now actually pulling out of the daycare parking lot. I am so ridiculously late. I unload everyone, plop Lu down with his muffin and scramble back into my car. I put on my mascara at a stoplight (a skill that I shouldn’t be so efficient at) and finally catch my breath. 

I’m sure tomorrow will go better :)

 

mo money, mo problems (Part 1 of our Debt Story)

We paid off the last of our student loans on Friday, March 13, a day that will forever go down in infamy (ha, not really. We’re not Pearl Harbor here). 

Let’s backtrack a few paces and discuss our debt.

• We bought a new (new to us) Traverse two months after Lucan was born. While I’m super thankful that we have the Traverse and one vehicle that is bigger, it was still an expense.
• I attended two private schools for my undergrad and graduate studies and did a study abroad semester in the most expensive city in the world (London, coming in at #1 according to a recent Daily Telegraph story).
• We bought a house on our first anniversary. I was working in non-profit and am actually shocked by how little I was making at that time. At the same time, I had no idea how little that amount actually was and thought I was rich! Foolish 23 year-old. 
• Approximately nine months into our marriage Lance underwent a fairly substantial jaw surgery at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. Cue: out of network hospital bill. While we were able to pay off his bill without too many tears, it was certainly pricey and an unplanned expense.
• We were using our credit cards to pay for everything. We always paid off our bill at the end of each month, but I can recognize that we typically spent more than we should have by using our credit cards to make our purchases. (Side: we still use our credit cards and we have a Target debit card that we get 5% off with. But I will say, from a cash budget perspective it certainly complicates things. Lance is constantly having to ask me if I’ve moved money and I never can remember. He's typically annoyed with me)
• Between the two of us, we’ve had three bouts of unemployment and have lived to tell the tale. And to pay off debt during that time! 

I hope that paints a pretty good picture of our finances. It’s not a pretty one, but I’m guessing it’s one that many of you can identify with. Student loans, credit cards, new cars and a baby! We are the "typical” Americans!

Stay tuned for more about our debt saga. It's a doozie. 

 

And just for giggles, a photo of the first time I met Lance. We were 15!