Still writing - find some of my most recent work at Des Moines Moms Blog!

Redshirting our Kindergartner

Gardening with your Kids

Kara's Birthday Wish List

Working outside the home is not a sin.

One of the best parts of my flexible working part-time from home schedule is my Tuesday morning Bible study. A large portion of my friendship circle includes women who are either stay-at-home moms or work-from-home moms or moms with flexible schedules. When I had Gracie I attended this same Tuesday morning Bible study while I was home on maternity leave. It was great - I got to talk about Jesus, see my friends, get some nibbles and have some quality Bible study time.

It’s been an absolute delight to know that Tuesday mornings I have Bible study. Love it. This past couple of months we’ve been studying the Proverbs 31 woman. Basically if you know the Proverbs 31 woman, you’ll know that she is all things wise and wonderful, hardworking and honest and a credit to her husband and family. She’s great. A little more than unattainable, but still, great.

You can’t discuss the Proverbs 31 woman without discussing women and work and working outside the home. There was actually a question in the study guide that I left blank because I have so many feelings about women in the workplace. So.many.feelings. And by feelings I mean righteous anger.

Did I miss the part where it become biblical for women to give up their jobs in the workplace once they had children?

Colossians 3:23-24 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

Whatever assignment you are tasked with doing, it’s about the heart in which you do it. Wiping butts (just did it) or working to traffic a project through client approval, it’s all about knowing that you are exactly where you God wants you to be in that very moment. Because at the end of the day, God created you. He is the one that gave you your particular gifts and talents. In the lovely words of Jen Hatmaker “God created an entire package. It all counts. There are no throwaway qualities. [...] Maybe your best thing won’t draw a paycheck, but it is how you shine and glow and come to life and bless the world. [...] Just because you don’t get a pay stub doesn’t mean you shrink back or play small or give it all up. Do your thing. [...] You are making the world kinder, more beautiful, wiser, funnier, richer, better.”

YES! YES! YES! God created you smart and talented so you can share those things with the world. Are you throwing away those qualities because someone told you that now you’re a mom you have to put those gifts away? THAT’S CRAP.

Yep, I said it. Just because you are staying home with your kids and not working 8-5 does not make you a better mom than I am. Nope, not even a single bit. Because I can half heartedly play with my kids all day long and read the same five page book over and over again and there is not one bit of me that thinks I’m killing it at being a better mom than you just because I’m home with my kids during the day.

I’m going to end all of this ranting (because let’s call a spade, a spade folks and I’m definitely ranting) with a plea for everyone to be a bit nicer. Women, quit being all judgy if you think you are a better mom because you don’t send your kids to daycare. Why are you judging in the first place? What part of her life are you jealous of? Because that’s probably the heart of the problem - comparison. Your life is not her life. Her life is not yours. Her choices are not your choices. Her finances are not yours. Your heart issues are not yours. Because believe me, that mom who is working at a job that she may or may not love, might not be what she envisioned for her life either. But you don't know because you aren't her.

This post will probably get me exiled.

Top Ten Reasons Why Having a New Baby is AWESOME!

1.       Obviously newborn cuddles. Obviously.

2.       Still a little chubby? No problem, you just had a baby!

3.       Do you need to excuse yourself from a mind-numbing conversation? Sorry, I need to check on my baby now. I think I hear her crying.

4.       Late everywhere? Oh, diaper blowout just as we were leaving …

5.       Need a nap? NO ONE should fault a new mom for needing an afternoon nap.

6.       Compliments about how cute your child is. (I know that vanity is not healthy. But sometimes when everything else in your life is upside down, a stranger’s exclamation over how adorable your daughter is helps)

7.       Husband wonders why supper’s not ready...baby was crying and had to be held!

8.       Stupid, obvious mistake at work? Baby doesn’t sleep. My brain is filled with cotton.

9.       Need to disappear for 45 minutes around 7:30 PM? Just give the excuse that you need to feed the baby, rock them and put them down to sleep. Never mind the fact that it takes approximately 15 minutes to do that. Spend the next half an hour hiding from your spouse. No one opens a closed door when it comes to baby’s bedtime routine.

10.   Rocking the two day old hair? Showering can be somewhat sporadic with a new baby. Haters are only allowed to hate if you are obviously smelly from ten feet away.

We’re Still Living in Our Starter Home

We’ve lived in our first home for 9 years today. Weird, I know. We celebrated our first anniversary by closing on our home and moving in. When we bought the house we were 23 years-old, had zero children and big plans for conquering the world. It was our STARTER home. I figured we’d live there five, seven years tops. There was a period of time where we helping handfuls of friends move every year. Many of our friends are in their second or even their third house. Their houses are beautiful. They are spacious, light and airy. They have smart storage options, sturdy beams and large functional kitchens. They have room to spread out and they enjoy it. If I’m brutally honest with myself, I’m more than just a little jealous. For a while this jealously grew in a knot in my stomach. By nature, I love having people over and hosting them over a meal. Hospitality is my spiritual gift. But the size of my living room and kitchen was holding me back from using that God-given gift. My own pride and self-love was crushing God. How’s that for honesty? 

You see, our house is fine. It’s perfectly functional and according to Lance the best feature is that we can afford it. 

Needs versus Want

Yes, I WANT a bigger house with sparkling countertops and storage as far as the eye can see. However, do we NEED a bigger home? Yes and no. With two more occupants added our space; we are definitely feeling a little snug. However it’s nothing that a good purge couldn’t help. (It doesn’t help that I refuse to let go of my old Spanish worksheets from college and Lance won’t get rid of 2007 phonebooks.) I would love a second bathroom (we have 1.5 presently) but we’re doing fine without it.

Our Budget Says Otherwise

In our past aggressive budgeting, our current mortgage payment was exactly what we could afford. We’re still pinching pennies and saving for that next great adventure. There’s freedom in knowing that our mortgage is not going to keep us awake at night with worry.

HomeGoods Store isn’t Tempting

When it comes to home décor, there’s really nothing I need. I hate dusting around knickknacks so I don’t buy them. Our starter home doesn’t have room for any more stuff as it is. (Yes, Lance you can quote me on that)

We Know How Everything Works

All our appliances are original with the house. Lance is the king of fixing things so nothing ever dies. Yes, I will throw a party when I can get rid of the world’s loudest dishwasher and the fridge that mysteriously has a hole in the top. But for now, the dishwasher washes things reasonably well and the fridge keeps everything at the right temperature. 

As always, my budget reflections are not meant to make anyone feel bad about their own lives or choices. If you have a large lovely house, good for you, well done! Your house is perfect (for you)!

Some days you just lose. A Day in the life of a Working Mom with two Kiddos.

Some days you just can’t win for losing. Yesterday was one of those days and that’s okay. I try and keep in mind that sometimes you are the pooper and sometimes you get pooped on (as a mom, I have more days where I get pooped on than not). 

As I blearily hit my alarm for the second time, I finally rolled out of bed at 6:21. Getting up with Gracie to feed her at 4 AM is a not so distant memory when Lance asks me if Gracelyn got up last night. I control my urge to take a swing at him. 

I pull on the clothes I laid out the night before only to realize that my shirt looks really dumb with the skirt I have on. Drat. I try a second shirt but it’s really wrinkled so I try and iron the whole thing. With my flat iron. While wearing it. Bad idea. I see this isn’t my best plan so I change yet again. I finally settle on a shirt only to have Gracelyn spit up on it 20 minutes later and have to pick yet another shirt. Life. 

Lance hands Gracie to me and her back is sopping wet. Somehow this little one has managed to pee her clothes which warrants an entire outfit change. Apparently all of the females today need multiple outfits. 

Lance reminds me that today is superhero day at school for Lu. As we frantically rummage through two drawers of clothes for his Superman shirt, unsuccessfully I might add, I recall I recently bought some Superman pjs for him at a garage sale. #momwin. I add his superhero cape and consider it a job well done. 

Lance finishes packing everyone’s breakfasts (banana bread muffins that Lance made two nights ago) and is ready to start loading the car while I finish getting ready. The other night I accidentally kicked the cat hard enough to damage my toe and toenail so I have a very limited supply of open-toed shoes that are flat and work appropriate that won’t make my toe ooze. 

Lance is out on the driveway for an abnormally long time. I ask Lu what daddy’s up to and he replies that Daddy is walking around the car. NOT A GOOD SIGN. The car battery is deader than dead. And I’m still at home without makeup when I should already be at work. 

Lance announces that he’s going to take his very un-reliable, non-interstate safe car to work. Dear Lord. Out of precaution for the children, I am now doing drop-off this morning. I am going to be SO very late. 

We shuffle everyone’s things into my SUV and fly out of the house. As I pull into the daycare parking lot, the daycare school bus that I only ever see when I’m running super late to work is now actually pulling out of the daycare parking lot. I am so ridiculously late. I unload everyone, plop Lu down with his muffin and scramble back into my car. I put on my mascara at a stoplight (a skill that I shouldn’t be so efficient at) and finally catch my breath. 

I’m sure tomorrow will go better :)

 

Rocking his world. Adding a sibling.

(caveat: I wrote this post a couple of weeks before baby girl was born. I'm not sure why I never got around to publish it, so my apologies. I'll write a follow-up at some point letting you know how all of this worked out.)

I know it’s not uncommon for parents to feel guilt about rocking their child’s world by bringing home a baby. But wow, I feel sad for Lucan. He’s not going to know why his parents are diverting their attention and love to someone else. I know the transition is going to be tough. It’s going to be tough on all of us!

Here are a couple of things I’ve picked up here and there about easing this time period for everyone.

1. Sibling gift for Lucan. I bought him some Dupo Legos from his favorite Jake and the Neverland Pirates show. Hopefully it’s a win and I don’t end up stepping on legos in the middle of the night.
2. We all went to a Big Brother Preparedness class. Let’s not talk about the fact that Lu missed part of it due to a tantrum timeout.
3. I’m planning on having a little “birthday party” for the baby when we come home from the hospital. Cupcakes and balloons. And then making a big deal over the fact over how special it is that Lucan can eat cupcakes but baby sister isn’t big enough.
4. We talk about fairly regularly the possibility that mom might not pick Lu up from school one day because she’ll be at the hospital and maybe grandpa or grandma or one of our friends might pick him up instead.
5. In the same breath we also talk about the fact that some morning Lu might wake up and find that mommy and daddy went to the hospital to have the baby and one of our friends might take him to school instead.
6. When Lu comes to meet his sister for the first time at the hospital, our plan is to not be holding baby girl at that time. We’ll give him a big hug and kiss to show Lu how much we love him and then introduce him.
7. I’ve assembled a few little dollar bin items/gifts for Lucan. That way if someone drops off something for the baby, Lu can pick out a little present of his own and not feel sad about his lack of love (trust me – I realize we’re going to have a lot of crap around our house come Christmas)
8. When I’ve been assembling things to reuse for the baby, I point them out to Lucan and thank him for sharing them with his sister. It’s kind of adorable to see him set aside his old racecar socks that are too small for sister.
9. Last night I told him the story of when he was born. I think it’s important to share these details so he knows how he came into the world.
10. We talk about what types of things to expect when the baby comes home. I took this prompt from his big brother’s class. Things like baby might cry a lot, she’s going to sleep and we’re going to have to be careful when we hold her. 
11. We've tried to limit any other major transitions to BB (before baby). For example, we moved Lucan out of his crib and into his big boy bed this summer. Lance wanted to wait until the end to do it. I put my foot down. Lucan doesn't sleep in his pack and play when we're traveling now. He sleeps on the futon at my parents and in the guest room at Lance's parents. The pack and play is clear for baby sister. 
12. Personify the baby. This post from a Cup of Jo is genius.

So, any other tips for this worried mama?