True Confessions from a Work from Home Mom

1. Holy crap, I'm exhausted. This is way harder then sitting in my cube.
2. My employer is demanding and mouthy. Apparently they didn't get the memo that I'm entitled to a peaceful lunch break in which they have to leave me alone.
3. My house is totally destroyed. Like seriously messier than it's ever been. NO ONE warned me that being home meant that my house was going to be infinitely messier because we would be home making messes all of the time.  
4. I'm famished and thirsty. There is no time for silly things like food and hydration.
5. I had to negotiate with Lucan in order to be able to watch 30 minutes of tv that is NOT PBS kids. (I think there might be power issues here)
6. Somewhere I became the paper product nazi. "Lucan you can't have another napkin. One per meal." "Nope, you aren't done with that Kleenex. Put it in your pocket and use it again later." "This is how you properly use toilet paper to wipe your butt." (Good gravy. It sounds just as ridiculous typing it here as it does when I listen to myself saying it.)
7. I get nothing done. Really. I know that Lance has these expectations (and I had the same expectations) that laundry would be done and put away on a regular basis and that our bathrooms would be cleaned more frequently too. I get it, I would think these things would happen too. But if I work on cleaning the house, my actual DMMB (Des Moines Moms Blog) work doesn't get touched. If I work on work stuff, the house implodes. It would probably help if Gracie would nap for longer then an hour.
8. Sometimes I just need a little time for me. But inevitably I feel bad that I'm not cleaning or doing work. I need a lesson in balance.
9. People think that I'm a stay-at-home-mom now. Not so. Somewhere during the day I have to get work done. Except now I have no daycare or quiet time to get my work actually done.
10. Lance comes home, takes one look around and asks me if I had a nice nap. It takes everything in me not to want to hit him.

Lest I sound ungrateful (because I know that I sound ungrateful) I am completely thankful for the opportunity to work from home part-time and be there during the day with my children. I know that positions like this are golden unicorns and only come through fervent prayer and luck. I have the nicest and most understanding employers. But this is a reality check that the grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence. In actuality, the grass is more like spray painted astro-turf that was used to cover up the decidedly dead grass underneath. I digress.

This is the job that I've prayed for for four years. But just like anything you hope for, it's never all it's cracked up to be.

8 Month Update - Gracelyn

Eight months old means you are right in the midst of my favorite age - you have (somewhat) of a schedule and you are sleeping more but you don't move much and aren't too vocal about your opinions of life :) I'm savoring it here folks!

Sleeping.  We are still doing a dream feed around 10:30 or so and then you'll sleep through the night until 7 AM or so. We've got to cut this dream feed out, but kay-sa-rah-sa-rah. August was my first full month of being home so we worked on improving naps. At daycare you were napping a total of like an hour a day, which is completely unacceptable for this mom who works from home and depends on a little quiet time each day to get things done! We're slowly improving but it's taking time. We try and squeeze in a morning nap if we aren't out and about and then an afternoon nap around the same time as Lu. The "both kids napping" is like the mythical unicorn. You know it's out there, but it's almost impossible to find. There were several times we'd be coming home from a busy morning out and Gracie would fall asleep in the car for 10 minutes and then refuse to nap at home. Life was NOT okay. We're averaging about 2 -3 hours of naps a day. Sister does not nap like her brother who still will pass out for 2 hours in the afternoon. Someone missed the sleep memo. 

Eating. Little Miss is eating solid foods at lunch and at supper. She really likes her purees and will pretend to cough and choke on the foods that she doesn't. Such a faker. I'm nursing her about 4-5 times a day. 

Wearing. Upgraded to some 6-9 month clothing. It's about time. Sister has some cute thigh rolls. Thigh rolls are only acceptable at this age. Not adult age.

Milestones. Language: You like to chat and let us know when things are not all right with the world. For example, you seriously lift your voice when you've decided nap time is over. I try and let you sit a bit in your crib to ensure that nap time is indeed over (very wishful thinking) but you start hollering like 50 seconds after nap is done. So much so that I have to run into your room for fear that you're going to wake Lu up. It's a good thing he sleeps well because YOU are a sleep goddess. You like to say "da da da da." Where's "ma ma ma ma" ? Lots of bubble blowing.

Social: I'm your favorite. I'm just going to say it. Lance always says you perk up and start to look around when you hear my voice but don't see my face. You get a lot kisses from everyone because of those big brown eyes. When we went to the State Fair people exclaimed over you a lot. Not that I blame them, I would too. 

Physical: rolling like a homie. Getting up on all fours and doing a lot of butt wiggles. No forwards crawling, but pivoting and getting stuck in corners. Soon enough. You are kind of a wuss. If you even slightly get bumped on something, you wail. 

No teeth. 

Lots of jumping in the bouncer. She is LOUD and loves it.

Sis is still lacking in the hair department. Her baby fuzz is growing out, slowly but surely. She's rockin the headbands though!

Sleeping ballerina.

Serious face.

A little teeny tiny grin :)

8 Months on August 1, 2015!

Ways I've Ruined my Children

Everyday I think that I’ve ruined my child.

I don’t think there is any job that comes with more self-doubt or criticism then being a mom. With the exception of being the POTUS (President of the United States – Lance asked me what that meant so it occurred to me that it’s not just a standard acronym that everyone knows) or some other world leader, I don’t think there is a job that has more of a personal stake.

Today’s self-doubt? My oldest is four and has yet to participate in any organized sport or some sort of musical endeavor. I have friends whose children have been dribbling soccer balls as long as they have been walking. Clearly my child will suffer the social repercussions of not participating in a group sport at the age of four.

I am not doing baby-led weaning in any form. I make purees for my little and thought I was finally doing something right because I was making food for her. Now I’m fairly convinced that she’ll never feed herself or eat “real” food.

We don’t always brush my eldest’s teeth in the morning. I just don’t have the time. Yes, I know.

He also knows the order of the PBS kid show lineup.

Just the other day he asked me when he is going to get to take swim lessons. Crap.

I can’t bear to her my daughter cry, so every time she cries, I pick her up. Yep, I’ve ruined her.

Lucan told me last time at Chick-fil-A that we eat there a lot. To his point, we did eat there twice that week.

He also told me tonight that “supper smelled funky.” To his point, yes, fish sauce does smell a bit. He also likes my MIL’s cooking better than my own. This is probably due to the fact that she doesn’t hide zucchini in her spaghetti sauce.

I fall more on the path of helicopter parent than free-range parent. If you read enough articles, helicopter parenting with MOST DEFINITELY ruin a child. Looking at who I am with baby #2, I acknowledge that I’m definitely more relaxed this time around but by no means am I a chill mom. Yes, I worry that my hovering will ruin both of them but it outweighs my fear of them being taken out of my backyard while I’m not watching.

My point is that motherhood is hard. There’s no instruction manual. There are more moments I care to admit that I have no idea what I’m doing and I’m second guessing myself. The only thing I can do is follow my instincts and ask everyday for God to cover all the mistakes I’m making with His grace.