Why I’m Not a Hipster

Him. Layers upon layers. Hipster glasses. Fedora. Smirky.

Me. Clothes from the mall and mass produced.

Obviously this post has lots of real depth to it. I jotted most of these reasons down while I was taking a “milk” break.

1. I’m Asian. Hipsters are primarily white. One giant strike for Kara. Can’t change this one. 
2. I like mainstream EVERYTHING. Starbucks, Target, Taylor Swift, Emily Giffin, The Bachelor.” If it’s Top 40, I probably like it. I’m super cool like that. 
3. I don’t own any black frame glasses. I do own glasses and need them, I just happen to enjoy the fuzzy world I live in without them. 
4. I have straight hair and no chunky bangs. Hipsters have beachy wave hair and Zooey Deschanel bangs. 
5. No tattoos. I can’t think of anything I want on my body that much.
6. I can’t really pull off hats. Especially wool slouchy hats.
7. If diaper bags can be considered messenger bags, I might have one point for Kara as a hipster.
8. I don’t really have the patience for thrift stores. There’s nothing organized there! It smells funny! Everyone knows I’m an imposter! 
9. I don’t watch indie films. I think the last “indie-ish” film I watched was “Blue Jasmine” or “Midnight in Paris.” Not really indie and Lance hated both of them. Last movie I saw and really liked “Chef.” Of course it was about food …
10. I know nothing about emerging music. Not unless it’s on the radio and endorsed by Ryan Seacrest. 
11. I think artisan food is expensive.
12. Layering clothes makes me really hot. I can’t take the heat of multiple layers. Perhaps I should invest in an open plaid shirt from Tommy Hilfiger. 
13. We own three cars. One is an SUV. Public transportation in the burbs of Des Moines just isn’t happening. Bicycling in our stage of live would be super impractical. I tried to take Lucan garage saleing (not even a real word) one time in the bike trailer and he kept throwing things out the side and I had to keep stopping to pick our stuff off the sidewalk. Again, I was a sweaty mess by the end.
14. My kids have kinda hipster-ish names. And if by hipster, I mean no one has ever heard of our kids names and wants to know how in the world we came up with them/why we would embarrass/curse our children like that. 
15. And the real reason I can't be a hipster - I had to google "how to be a hipster"